Junsu P.O.V

I was happy, the times I spent with you
perhaps it was difficult for you
its not as if I didn’t know how u really felt
I felt it as well

“Let’s brake up…” you said those word coldly. Without stared to my eyes, you said the word.
“What? You must be joking again right? Hey... it’s not funny” I tried to deny it but I don’t know why my heart keep thumping none stop. Like knew something goes wrong.
“Junsu-ya… I’m not joking. Let’s stop here”
“But… why? Why so sudden?” I can’t believe what you tried to say. Everything just like a dream.
“I’m tired… I can’t stand with this relationship anymore”
“What are you trying to say, Su Jin ah. Aren’t you happy to be with me?”
“Yes, I’m very happy to be with you. But it’s long time ago. Before you get busy with your career. You don’t have time for me. You always cancel our date. You make me waiting like idiot. I try to be understanding girlfriend but mianhea junsu, I’m too tired. I can’t wait for you anymore.”
“But Su Jin, you are the one who ask me to go to the audition. You are the one who hug me when I got the contract. You are the one who gave me courage when I felt like wanna quit from training. And now you wanna brake up with me because of this thing? Come on Su Jin. What’s more you want me to do? ”
“Yes, it’s true. I’m the one who ask you do all those thing even you don’t like it. But I never imagine we will turn like this. Have to hide from your fan, have to pretend there’s nothing between us. I can’t call you when I miss you and you aren’t there when I need you. Then what this relationship for? ”
“Su Jin ah, please don’t leave me. Ok. It’s all my fault. If you want I will send my resignation letter soon. I will quit as singer. I will do anything you want but please don’t leave me”
“Mianhea, Junsu. I already meet somebody who can take care of me. Somebody that always there for me. You are good singer. Please continue your career. Your fans love you a lot. Don’t looking for me anymore.”
“But I love you…”
I see u run. Run away from me. Not far from that, I saw your man waiting for you. You hugged him as you reach near him. He hugged you back and both of you walked away.
30 minutes already pass. But I don’t know why my leg can’t move. I still can’t believe what happened. She left me after be with me for 7 years. My mind numb. What I know after that, everything turns so dark.


Letting you go, Letting you leave me
I can't get used to it yet
I can't help but resent you for having no other choice

“Junsu hyung, let’s eat” I don’t know when Changmin entered my room. For past three days I keep stayed in my room. I can’t do my work. I don’t feel like eating. I keep thinking why she leaves me. Is it my fault? I can’t found the answer.
“Junsu hyung, why your room so messy and dark? If Jaejoong hyung see this, u will be dead meat… let me help you clean your room. But u must eat this first. Jaejoong hyung cook this special for you.” Changmin, my dongsaeng, he always there for me. He always take care of me. Sometimes I feel shamed to be more childish than he is. Even he is the youngest but he is more matured than me.
“it’s ok Min ah. Just put on table. I will eat letter”
“When u will eat? Is it when you lay on hospital bed because of gastric? Come on Junsu hyung. You not eat anything since yesterday. If I were you, I will bang Jaejoong hyung’s room, ask him for food.”
“I don’t feel like wanna eat.” I keep stared to my dark windows that cover with thick curtain.
Changmin walk to the windows, open the panel and I can feel cold breeze enter my room. “Junsu hyung, please. At least help your dongsaeng. Jaejoong Umma will scold me if he sees your bowl still full. Plus he will scold you too. You know how scary he is when somebody doesn’t eat his food?”
“Mianhea Min ah, but I really don’t wanna eat like now. How about you eat it for my behalf?”
“Really? Junsu hyung… u said so. Don’t regret it. ” Changmin take Junsu’s porridge bowl but when he just opened his mouth, Jaejoong open Junsu’s room.
“YAH SHIM CHANGMIN!!! I ask u to give the food to Junsu. It’s not for you!”
“But hyung, junsu hyung don’t wanna eat. He already gave this to me. So this food is mine. Plus really hungry” Changmin plead with his puppy eyes.
“When you are not hungry? You already ate 4 bowl of rice and now you said you are hungry? I cooked this special porridge for junsu.”
“Jaejoong hyung, it’s ok. I don’t feel like wanna eat. Changmin can have it.”
“NO! You must eat it now. You are not eating since yesterday. Changmin, give the bowl to Junsu.”
“OK.. OK… I will ask yoochun hyung to go to pizza shop.” Changmin handed the bowl to Junsu and walk out the room.
As Changmin close the door, Jaejoong sat next to Junsu.
“Junsu, I know you are sad right now. But please remember, you still have us. We will through all the obstacle together. If there’s anything you wanna share with me, I always there for you. You know you can tell me everything right?”
“yeah.. I know. But I don’t feel like wanna tell you anything. I will tell you some other day. Please hyung. Leave me alone.”
“ok. Take your time. But don’t forget to eat. Or I will stay here until you finish your meal.” With a week smile Jaejoong walked out the room.

Why didn’t you say anything
Or was it that you couldn’t
Did u even think of me at all
If you liked me, if you loved me
If you were going to end it this way
Why did you say those words?

Do I have to hate you
Or do I have to blame myself
If I can turn back the time
I only have thoughts of returning to the past


I don’t know how many times I tried to call you. But there’s still no answer. Su Jin ah, where are you. I miss you so much. Do you miss me too?

~Flashback~
“Junsu oppa, this is for you” Su Jin handed a heart shape bottle that full with origami stars.
“What is this?” I asked bluntly.
“This is stars that I make every time I’m thought of you. I miss you. You are just like this star to me. Too far to reach but always here for me.”
“Komawo Su Jin. It’s so sweet. I will bring this everywhere I go.”

~End of Flashback~

Su Jin, do you still make this star for me? Or you stop it long time ago? As I hugged the bottle I can feel the warm. I will do this every time I miss you. Now I don’t know either I can do this anymore or not

~Flashback~
“Junsu oppa. Look at this.” I changed my focus to Su Jin. In her hand I can saw two necklace with letters SJ and JS.
“This necklace is really pretty and its have our initial.”
Yeah. It’s really pretty necklace. I want buy for her but I just a trainee. I don’t have enough money. So we just can stare to the necklace. I promised, when I have enough money, I will give it to Su Jin.
I worked very hard to buy the necklace. After finish my training session, I work at restaurant. I fell like exhausted but when I think the necklace and how Su Jin will be happy when receive it, I got my energy back. I will do anything for my Su Jin.


I still can remember how bad she cried when I put the necklace with initial SJ around her neck. She hugged me tightly and promised she will be with me forever. But not too long after that, she put off the necklace and put it around my neck instead and took of my necklace with initial JS.
“Now Junsu is Su Jin’s properties. No one can have him but me. Do you want Su Jin to be your properties?” Su Jin asked me cutely and hand me my necklace. I can’t help but smile and put the necklace around her neck.
~End of Flashback~

I touched the necklace. Now everything meaningless. You go away and leave me alone. Should I put off this necklace?



I wont ask again
If you want to leave me
Don’t look back as you leave
I wont shed any tears
It will only weaken my heart
Your shape is getting blurry as you walk away from me
I must be crying

I know will miss you greatly
I guess I have to suffer through it
So that I can forget you
I don’t ever want to love again
I want to give my last love to you who turned away from me
I wish you happiness
I hope you meet a better man than me

Su Jin ah, it’s already 6 month you leave me. These miserly 6 month I go through without you beside me. Everything feels so awkward.
Last 6 month I got your morning message to wake me up, now I only can hear Changmin’s voice that woke me up.
Last 6 month I got your remind message me ask me to eat healthy food, now I only heard Jaejoong’s nagging ask me to eat at least a bit.
Last 6 month I will hear your voice when I felt tired, now there’s only Yunho gave me encourage when I need it.
Last 6 month I just hear to your silly joke, enough to wash away my sadness, now there’s only Yoochun that cheer me up everyday.

Even though my members always with me but I still miss you. I really miss you that I feel I can’t breathe. I’m suffering, but I know everything won’t be back to it place.
Tomorrow, I will leave for Japan. Don’t know when I will be back again. This is the only way I can forget u. if I stay here, I will keep thinking of you and our memories. There’s too much of our memories here, every single road, stall, park have our memories. I have to go away from this place. To find my self back. I want to be Kim Junsu again. The strongest Kim Junsu again. But something missing with this Kim Junsu. There’s no love in his heart anymore.
I cried so hard these past 6 month. I cried every time I think of you. Now my tears dry. I promised, I won’t shed any tears anymore. Life must go on. I know it’s hard without you by my side, but I will keep learning. Learning how to forget you. Hope you will meet some one better than me.

to be continue