Las Cruces is a wonderful place to live. I’m not knocking it. But as Las Crucens, we pay a certain price every Christmas—a price beyond the abandoned hope for a white Christmas.

The mild winters are just fine. Personally, I don’t miss shoveling snow and scraping ice from car windshields in sub-zero temperatures. But have you ever tried to buy a real Christmas tree around here? It isn’t easy.

First you have to find one, which can be a challenge of its own. Las Cruces isn’t known for having Christmas tree lots on every corner. Nurseries and home improvement stores are a great place to start.

And timing is everything. If you already have your tree, and you’ve had it for longer than a week, you will probably have a big, dry, beautifully decorated tumbleweed on your hands before Christmas rolls around. If that’s the case—and I’m not looking to be a fearmonger here—I hope you have a fireman in the family. On the other hand, if you wait any longer than this weekend, you aren’t going to be able to find anything decent. In my experience, the life expectancy for a cut tree in the City of Crosses is about ten days. And that’s if you get one that isn’t already dry and dying the day you buy it.

When you’re standing in the Christmas tree aisle, there are a couple of things you should do. When you spot a tree that aesthetically fits the bill, you should grab it by the trunk and bounce it off the floor. If you see a few needles fall, it’s fine. If a pile accumulates, the tree is dry and you should move on. Once you find one that passes the bounce test, grab a branch and run it through your hand—it shouldn’t hurt. If the needles are soft and don’t come loose, you’ve got a winner. Otherwise, keep looking.

When you have found a tree that you like (and one that isn’t dry), there is one last thing that will make a huge difference in your tree’s longevity. Many people don’t know that you should have about a half-inch disc cut from the bottom of the trunk. Home improvement stores like Lowe’s or Home Depot will gladly make the cut for you at no extra charge, but you should only take advantage of their service if you plan on getting it into water the instant you get home. See, when a live tree is cut, it oozes sap and resin. When that dries, it creates a seal that won’t allow the trunk to absorb water. If you have it cut at the store, but won’t be able to get it into water almost immediately, it defeats the purpose. If it will be hours before you can get it into water, you should make the cut at home with a hacksaw, then get it into water immediately.

If you are buying a tree at the store, you should look to see if you can find a stand with a large water reservoir. You want something that will hold a gallon of water after the trunk is in it. In the first day, a freshly cut tree should guzzle a gallon of water. After that, about a quart per day is common. (Remember, your tree is a lot like Lindsay Lohan. If it’s not drinking, it’s dying.) You’ll also want to look for a very long funnel. Watering a Christmas tree without dousing your presents is hard enough. A good long funnel makes it easier.

Getting the tree home presents its own problems. First, protect your vehicle. Sap and resin can permanently damage your paint job. A few old blankets at the points of contact can prevent this and scratching. Also, you want the trunk at the front end of the car, so that the tree catches less wind and retains more needles.

And finally, some people recommend putting aspirin, sugar or bleach in the water. However, there is no evidence to suggest that this helps, and in fact they may yield the opposite of the desired result. Your tree needs water. Period.

Follow these tips, get a great tree, brush up on fire safety and have a merry Christmas!

-Damien Willis
from Pulse
December 13, 2007