Save me from myself!In this broken heart i keep my lonelyness side.From which i take the pain and put into the whole of saddness..It's falling apart..like me now.I try to escape from this deep whole and i'm still here..going deeper,searching 4 an answer,4 a place to stay,seeking for happy moments,letting fear apart..
But i just can't leave all that behind.I'm pushing too hard to survive,but i keep falling into this black whole.If only prairs could help..but even that,isn't enough ..
I'm punished by my destiny to take what i diserve and stay like i am..It's so complicated,everything's changin'..Everyday is crazy living here into this cruel big world,with no point back..Just me,with my thoughts,weakness and lonelyness- feelings that define me.I try to understand them,i try to live with them,but i just can't..I try to get out,to find my way back,but i can't.I have so many questions,i reach deep inside for the answers,but they're not there..
If i could just change myself,my way of thinking,my fear..Only God could help me,get out from this state that im in..Everything is gone now,my feelings are down,my weakness is up,my breakdown has tooked me until the moment that i ..dont know what to do,where to go,who to reach for.Maybe it is only me,maybe it's the people around me..or maybe i just imagine things..
Nobody knows how i feel..Different days,different issues,simply me with all that,tryin to be how I am without sufferint.But it's impossible.Just me in this cruel,dark world..Hope is all that i've got and even that seem little in my vision.
If i could wish for something i would wish..to be happy,to feel a hand on my empty shoulder,to feel that i can do anything.To make me feel better i would love to keep that image in my mind..the image of happyness.
To feel my heart beats like so crazy,to smile whenerver i hear a voice,the voice of loving people..To be warm in love's arms,to keep all that,in me.To feel warm,supporting and loving...
I would die to feel all this.DAMN!!It's so hard being me,understanding by others,being able to offer all the love that i have,i keep it all inside,ready to blow,to get out every second that i breathe..So deeper i would feel..i would see in the love around me..
Maybe i'm too selfish,maybe i'm mean,but happyness cannot compare with anything,and it can't be measured,reached or touched by everyione...It's just a feeling,the most wonderful of all!And i want this feeling to be mine..
But it's not easy at all to get to that,its just seem impossible to go through so many things and finally be HAPPY! It takes courage,confidence,and being able to do things without rushing..That's how i see it..

"Oh,God,as I see you,even hear you always with me,you make me feel better when im hurt,you make me feel warm when im cold,you make me feel happy when im down,and you are with me whem i need to feel protected..I pray to you today!Please,help me survive this time,cause im starting a new life today and i wanna try to be happy"
The little angel,then,started to walk on the empty street.As she walked to a nearest park she started to hear footsteps.The girl turned and in front of her appeared a boy..A very beautiful boy "Oh my love,is it really you!!said the little girl,smilling.
"My little angel,i've missed you so,that you can imagine.I wanted to see you and God seem to bringed me here,in this lonely park.I want you to know that im always thinking about you and when i do that my mind brings me back the good times we have spent togheter,oh my little angel!"
"My love,why can we be togheter?Just tell me why,cause my heart is dying to love you again,and to keep you here forever..Since the moment you left and told me we need to broke up,im worthless,and i didnt wanna live anymore,but i prayed for God to help me to be stronger."sais the little girl,who started to cry..endless tears.She looked deep into his eyes,the eyes that she known better than everyone.THose eyes that now are full of fully broken tears..
"Little angel,you need to be protected,you dont diserve this,i cant bring you happyness like that..I shouldn't come here today,to find you"and the boy wanted to go,but she holded his hand and put it in her chest..to feel her heart beats..for him,and keep looking into his eyes,she asked:
"Tell me,what you feel now?Cause i feel full of happyness because you are here with me,and i feel protected by you..Being here it makes me feel that i dont need nothing else..and this moment i will keep it forever...I need to know,my dear love,what make u took that decission of leaving me?JUst tell me and my heart would know how to understand..
"My baby angel..I love you with all my heart,and you're right,the moment has come for me to tell you..that i can't be with you..because..Im going to die soon..Im very sick and that's why i didnt told you,yo protect you and your beautiful soul from suffering..I just need to stay at home,alone to think about what my life was with you,and how much happyness you got into my life,my little queen angel..And i need to get used to it,of not seing your smile,your eyes,and smell your parphume..."said the boy.
"Oh my love,tell me this is isnt true..No..it couldnt be so cruel destiny for us.."and the girl falls into the ground,with no strenght,starting to cry bloody tears.
"What im going to do without you?You are my everything,my reason to live.I cant learn to live without your touch,without your kisses,and your smile..and without everything that you are....Oh my sweet love..."
The boy,then,took her face into his hands and looked her deep into the eyes:"My girl,if you love me so much,i will be always with you,in your thoughts,in your mind,in your heart..forever.And i will protect you,and watch you from the sky.so you would not be alone,never,my sweet angel."
"But i want you here,with me..its not the same..I want your love,your kisses and your hugs..If you would die,i'm coming after you,and we will be togheter forever."said the girl,and gets up from the ground.
"My sweet love,i will love you forever,but you will need to fly,to be free...and you will find the way to live and be happy,even without me..And you will find a person who cares about you and appreciate you at least as i do."
The girl looked scared at him,and her heart started to beat really fast,and in the next moment the girl kissed him,slowly,gentle..and the boy hugged and said:"I will keep this kiss in my mind untill the moment i'l die"
"I love you,dont forget that.."sais the innocent little girl..that no idea would have of what death means..
The boy left after that..with no words,and the girl keep hoping of his return..
After 2 months,a young girl walks to the cementery in a black suite and wearring a white hat.She bringed flowers to her one and only love..Now she got nobody left in life,except from God,and she is beggining a new life...

In an empty spot,in a colder room,on a darkest ground,leans a simply girl,who's affraid to fly,who's alone ..wishing to die.In her hands she keeps a ring.THat's all she got left from him...
Her eyes are full of painfull tears,her face is sad...so sad..Her body lays on the ground,but her mind is gone..in some other place..
Suddenly,she wakes up from her thoughts,and goes to the window.A broken,cold window..like her heart.THe girl puts his ring on her finger and opens the window.In that moment the wind is pushing her inside..like he would knew what she is up to.But the girl is decided;she wanna go to another world,if she couldnt have the love,the real love."I will never forget you,my angel,my all,my everything,i will take u with me,we can fly free as u said ..."And the girl attempts to pull herselv out..
But wait!What's happening?The sky is getting dark,the clouds are black as never before...In that empty spot,in that faraway,in that empty room,the girl hears a voice."My little angel,if u go away,u will never see your love,u will never kiss him,u will never cry.If u go now,u will bring him pain,and belive me,pain is it loosing someone u love,not let him go,as u do."The voice scared the girl,she looked everywhere,unknowing where that came from.
She started to say,then:"I must go now before is too late,this is better 4 me to do,cause i'm just a little angel who doesnt need to suffer like that.ANd pain is what i go through now,cause i cannot have him,i cannot hug him,i cannot kiss him anymore.So this is left for me now...to fall into the ground,to break myself in little pieces,and to wake up in another world,in another body,with another soul and another life...cause this is pain without love..
The voice said then:"Are u sure u wanna do this?Cause there's no turning back from this.And then i will recieve u up in the sky,protect u,and keep you,angel with me there".THe angel looked scared around the room:"You are GOD!"and started to cry.Tears with pain and with joy in the same time.She didnt belive that GOD is talking to her.."Do You know how much i pray to You every night,and day to help me understand how can i forget all this,and I now that you're talking to me ..please I need help!!"~~"My little angel,sweet little angel,listen to your heart,and you'll know what u need to do with your life.The heart is the only thing that knows it all.Everything you have felt,and feel is hidden there.In that little,open heart of yours,you will find the answer to all your questions."
Those words confused more the little child,and she said through his tears drop:"But GOD,i dont know what its in my heart,i think its too full of pain,to ever see if the answer of my question is there.I feel it freezed and warm in the same time,i think oh GOd,that my heart is broken in pieces,and i cant find the misssing ones...Would You help me find them?"
"My dear angel,your heart is so full of love,that u will never imagine.The key to your heart is understanding that love is here always,no matter in which way.This why you should choose to live and by living you will know that.Feel free to love and feel free to become happy."
"Thank you GOD,for saying that to me..it makes me feel better.I will choose what to do with my life and even if i dont know now..i promise you i will do something..Thank you for being there for me when i needed.."said the angel.And the voice didnt heared no more.
A girl with broken heart,with no wishes is now fighting to live,borning again in that empty cold room,she is reaching for LIFE and searching into her HEART the answer of being happy..Would she make it?What do you think?

LIFE-what a word..hm..now who understands his meaning?it’s hard to be a child,u didnt noticed that?
U go through so many things that u dont even realize what u’ve realised or what u have lost,not even what u have left with..it’s so hard what i say..but i dont know what to say,sometimes i feel that those words with no meaning,as others say,buth they get through my mind and make herselvs a spot there..through my thousands of beautiful thoughts.Painful and black words without no sense...it’s hard for my to understand them..the nightmares that are showen to me the day and the night..It’s so hard to feel this way,so cold and so alone,in this empty ice vault,desolated and with no thoughts and memories .
I just wish 4 happyness,the hope of your found,but all the beautiful in me is falling apart,and i can’t make a step back in time to fix all that..and smile again.I can't stand up,i’ve fallen into the ground and i wish to go up again,to fly into the sky with you,like that time...Why i can’t?Why u dont give me back my wings?Why?Did u asked why so much “whys”?I didnt know how to answer,but u said to me something that i wouldn’t forget never,words that i would keep in my mind forever>
”Angel with a baby face,your soul it’s free,he needs no drawer to keep it locked,let it fly like u did someday..It’s the only thing it could help u to be better...Don’t cry because your tears would freeze and u will be sad all your life.Try to smile when u think you’re down and let your soul run free..don’t close him inside.”
These wore the words that he said,and my pain grows when i repeat them...But wait!!what’s happening to me?What’s on my face?Tears,or what?Where they came from?
Suddenly,u come again in front of me and u say to me:”My little angel,im sorry that the things are gone that far,and that u cried 4 me..Im sorry..”
Surprised,and with sorrow i answered to him:”How is this possible?U told me that the tears,they dont exist,what are these,then?Why i made so much dreams and ilusions with u,hoping that i will never cry...And now...u lied to me i blinded trusted u,and u took away from me my hopes,and all that i had ..U lied to me..
He said then:”/My angel,i know that i lied to u,but it was on your good,i didnt wanted u to suffer .to drop painfull tears.Its hard 4 me to see u cry,its hard to kniow that i will never see your wonderful smile,and your gentle look.Wipe your tears and start again..i will let u fly again until in the far off sky..to see the world how it is..to see yourself.U are too little to get to know the tears and the pain...Dont cry..little angel,i do love you and i always will,no matter where u will be..and dont u forget this..”and this was all.
Painfull and suffering i took my wings and go away..far away in the sky,i leaved all behind.And now im freezed,but he was right..it was too early 4 me to know the real pain..but it was too late to go back the time.I will fall asleep again in this cold place,closed in my black room,to forget everyting..to forget that once i was happy..and now im freezing...inside..I could forget about anything..but not your words,which are writed in my mind and will go with me wherever i go.I LOVE YOU ANGEL..dont u forget that..