Eight years.
Seems long enough for the wound to heal, for the pain to ease.
Yet, it’s still there. Fresh like it only happened yesterday.
Still, I’m bleeding.
Today is the day I’m always afraid of coming, however, looked forward to. The day you left. The day you’re…gone.
In this familiar room, everything flashed back at me like a vivid memory. Though your not here, I can still feel your existence. Your presence.
I miss you a lot.
It makes my heart breaks into pieces, the emptiness is killing me. But it’s okay, just knowing that once you’re here with me. It’s enough of a memory.
I walked around the room. Looking at our pictures. Those days when you looked so happy, so lovely.
That’s how you remain in my mind. My last memory of you.
Outside our favorite place, the balcony, I took out your last letter for me. The letter that you left. You’re most precious gift.
Although I already memorized its content, I still re-read it. Every single day, especially when I wanted to you see you the most. Through this, your glorious memory remains in me. Permanently kept inside my heart.
Do you remember this path where we used to walk in to? I always hold your hands tightly and feel your warm fingers entwined with mine.
I closed my eyes, reminiscing every single moment we spent here in this place. Our happy place.
You’re so stubborn. You always wanted to hide the pain you felt just to protect me. It hurts me. How you love me more than I deserve to be loved. The way you smile and laugh as if you felt no pain. You’re so brave. I’m so proud of you.
The wind blows and the smell of your favorite flower hit me.
Lilac.
How you love those flowers.
“Hannah, wait for me.” I called out, but you keep on running away.
“Jaejoong-ah, you have to give me hundreds of Lilac tomorrow if you don’t catch me today.” You teased.
I chuckled at your challenged. Who ever win today, you’ll still get you hundreds of Lilac tomorrow. Just like what you wish, what you want. Anything that will make you happy.You smelled like Lilacs. Sweet Lilacs.
I inhaled deeply, tasting the air. Your air, your smell.
“Lovely isn’t it, Jaejoong-ah?” “Yes Hannah. Lovely. Just like you.” Your voice sounded so clearly, as if you’re here beside me. Breathing with me.
You held my hands tightly as we walked back. I can feel your warm hands in me. I can hear your heart beating. I can smell your scent. You’re here with me.
“I wont leave.” You weakly whispered into my ear. Using your last energy.
“Shh..” I hushed “Don’t talk. Just stay still and don’t use your energy much, Hannah, please.” I begged.
I didn’t notice the tear drops that flowed down my face, but you did.
You reach for my face and wipe the tears away.
“Don’t cry Jaejoong-ah.” You pleaded. “I’ll always be inside here.” You put your palm over my heart.
“Always you will be, Hannah.” I sobbed. “You’ll always be inside my heart.”
“Jaejoong-ah.” You muted, “I’ll be waiting for you.” A weak smile gently appeared in your face. Though you’re in pain, you can still smile like nothing is wrong. How can you do that, Hannah? How?
“’Till then, Jaejoong-ah,” a paused “Don’t forget me.” Those were your last words. Your farewell.
I can almost see you waiting for me up there. In the hills, besides your Lilac garden. Smiling and waiting for me.
“It’s been a while, my Hannah.” I greeted as I approach your garden.
I can almost hear your response.
“Yes, Jaejoong-ah. It’s been a while.” “I’d been busy. Im sorry I didn’t pay much visit.” I touch the marble stone which engraves your name.
“But you know that you’re always in my mind, right? In my heart, my soul.” I can see you reaching out for me. I also reached for your hands.
“I know, Jaejoong-ah. I know.” My knees finally gave in. I’m aware that my whole body is trembling. I fell down the grass, kneeling down.
“I miss you so much, Hannah.” I cried,
“I wanted to see you.” “Jaejoong-ah,” You sweetly touch my face, lifting it up. “Im just here. Just like the wind that always wraps around you. I never left. Im just here.” “I love you… I will always do.” I hushed. I can see you smile at me. That angelic smile I always longed to see.
“I will always be waiting for you, Hannah. I will wait until that day comes that we will be together again.” I broke into my last words with tears rushing down my face. Just like that same day, eight years ago, when you left me.
“I’ll be waiting for you, Jaejoong-ah.” Your voice is like a song to me. A sweet melody.
“Just like what I promised Hannah. You’ll stay inside my heart. I wont forget you.” You nodded simply and smiled.
”Wasurenaide.” ----
All texts in
Italic are memories/past.
All texts in
Bold are Jaejoong's lines said out loud.
The rest are in Jaejoong's perceptive.
