so i was at the mall a lil while ago and once again im with my friends.

we see this group of emo looking kids hanging out front.

all black n everything u knw the typical look for those ppl.

anyway, they said i couldnt go up there ask them for a hit of there cigarette and just chill with them.

As usual im in the mood for a challenge.

i walk up to them and go, "hello childeren of darkness, can i have a hit of your cigarette there?"

the one guy looks at me and smiles and goes "sure."

i take it and go "wow your probably the nicest emos ive ever met."

and he replys "emo......were gay."

and i just stood there...and hes staring at me smiling im very much so freaked out.

i dont even puff his cig i just leave.

i learned something that day and that is

When you and your Boyfriend are wearing the same eyeliner.
You have Problems.

--Joe--

so me and a couple of my friends are walking around this neighborhood.

and im italian and so r the rest of my friends and we come across this irish pub.

Now granted this is st pattys day and the place is full of irish ppl.

so my friends dare me and my other friend franky to walk into this bar and to "claim it"

so those of you who have seen braveheart will knw what i am talking about

anyway we walk in and this place is full of them i mean everywhere orange hair and green outfits

we walk in and franky shouts out. "I claim this bar in the name of Italy!!!!"

i of coruse yell out. "freedom!!!!!"

and all of a sudden the music stops everyone is staring and we high tale it i mean we just bolt.

One chased after us.

but he was too drunk to catch us.

Once again the italian gets the last laugh.

--Joe--

time heals all wounds and time is of the essence in our lives, for time could b cut short, how do u get over love u might ask yourself, how do u get over a feeling more powerful then any bomb, that will drive u harder then any drug, well, you dont, you can supress it, tie it up inside, but love is like your DNA, your blood, it will always be a part of you because without love you die, your heart drained of love, love is never gotten over because without love u die, so i ask myself, how do i get over love well i dont its impossible, i just harness it, control it, and use it, twoards my advantage rather than my disadvantage, i spread it with everyone around so they will know how strong the feeling love can be, the love u have spread it with the people around u, and they will feel your love, for love is an emotion, you cant taste love, touch love or even see love, it dwells withen all of us, and it takes 2 special people 2 dwell it out of each other, love like a drug when used wrongly will kill u inside, for when th elove breaks so do u, like wood under 2 much weight u snap and break down, unlike wood, u build yourself up strong and sturdy for the next time u shall fall

why would a god allow hurt pain murder death why would he allow lies deception heart break, why would he allow drugs knives guns weapons for us to kill one another, why would god allow natural disasters tornados floods tsunamis hurricanes why does god allow new orleans the ice caps the Ozone depletion why? because of god giving us free will we were given a chance to get it right, we were given a chance in this life to do right with what we have and right now we are fucking it up with every babt gettin left in the garbage can with every man killed with every nation bombed with every toxic gas we put iin the air with every pull of a triiger, reload of a weapon, with every harmful chemical we put in the air we breath and the water we drink we are slowly killing off this world and ruining the lives of our future childeren and there childeren we are making this world that god has given us the image of the devil, and before we know it there will be no world for our childeren cause we will have put it over the edge, so while u live ur life now ur kids 200 yrs from now have an even larger struggle to deal with when it comes time for them to be brought into this world, the truth of it is there is a god and its our fault for the hole we dug ourselves in

if there is anything that this life of mine has taught me its that life can be a bitch, life can humble u in a sense that it can make u king of the world, good grades friends family gf/bf and then its like life can just go F U and let ur world come crashing down on u and it humbles u makes u realze that u never get to high and u never get to low, but you always keep ur head up, you always fight because we dont know if there is a life after this we dont ill admit im skeptical about it i mean how do we knw that when we die that it isnt kjust nothing-ness darkness, cause say there isnt u quit at life then what well if there is ur gonna go 2 hell most likely and then ur life will look like a fuckin joy ride next 2 hell, u never quit at life cause when u do your through theres no turning back, people that take there lifes now-a-days i never understand, you have a life, the greatest gift anyone could ever give u, life a chance to be on this earth and be with the people around you, and you want to throw it away??? thats stupid there is no reset button when u kill urself ur done you dont get this chance backpeople who kill themselves r people that cant face reality, as terrible as it is to see loved ones go they have 2 understand that life is not always peaches and cream its not always champagne and calamari, its hell at times, divorce, family deaths, gf/bf problems, family problems its gonna b hell and its the people who have a strong heart and a strong mind that make it through times like those, i say keep ur head up threw the bad times and the good, and you will always b heard and understood whether u live in the suburbs or the hood

Why are we here? why are we alive? what is our purpose in life? god gave us all a purpose we are all alive, living, and here for a reason a destiny, each one of us has our own unique gifts, each one of us is different, no 2 people are ever the same, im not talking about looks but personal nature, what one person finds intresting may not be intresting to another, different things appeals to different senses in our bodies, the person you are on the inside influences who we are on the outside, mentally we have impairments to warp the minds of others to change to someone there not, it ould be created by outside forces whether it be the people around u or the person you are to be liked by those people, because of our surroundings we are changed, if we hang around with people who are racisit we become racisit, if we are surrounded by those who drink smoe swear we will follow, for at our young ages going onto our adult years we follow what we see, if we are surrounded by negative surroundings this will change us we will see nothing but negativity, for we will have seen no other way but the one we are used, put us in a positive admosphere, we will soak in goodness, righteousness, rightness the saying like father like son is very true in the statement that if a son sees his father acting good, positively, the son will follow, if the son sees his father acting negatively, the son will follow, which relays into the saying monkey see monkey do, we know no other way and any other way then the way we are used to is wrong, but what is wrong? what is right? we have followed by what we believe is right because we followed those who believed it was right but how do we know its right? what if communisim is right? what if democracy is wrong? it is said in the bible that it is wrong to steal, but what if you steal so your family could eat? so you could have money to pay for your home so your family could stay safe, we pray to god so often asking for signs to help us, asking for something from him to help you, you then go out you see a homeless man talking to himself saying something that god is talking to him, you walk by dont pay attention and go on with your day, how do you know if god wasnt talking to him? how do you know if that was the sign you prayed for? God acts in mysterious ways, we usually accept things that are done wrong to ourselves from god are wrong but how do we know it isnt his will, for god is not cruel he only wants us to learn, he sends us life lessons and then tests us, like when we are childeren we touch a hot stove, it burns, we learn not to do it again, we remember that it is hot, god is no different, we pray for his sign, he sends it, and we do not notice it, we go on with our days, no different then touching the stove over and over, we do not learn, that god will send his sign at times that we least expect it, like your late for work or an event, and the phone rings, you let it go, your in the car trying to get to work, god sends another sign in the form of frequently getting the red light and getting stopped, its gods way of saying that something important is here that is why you have to stay,, some of us see it some of us never notice it, but because god loves us like he does he will keep trying for you, who knows maybe as i type this right now this is the sign from god for you, maybe maybe not, however you look at it is your decision, i just feel an urge to write my thought so i am, we usually curse the lord when terrible things happen to us, death of family, family problems, problems with school and friends and lovers, we curse him, we ask why? why god why? i myself have found myself asking these questions, then i sit and think and realize that god has his reasoning, for every moment that something wrong has happened to me, something good follows, where heartbreak send you to rocokbottom you are lifted up by your friends and family realizeing the love you have with them, where as you get into that fight with your father mother or spouse you find yourself in there loving embrace later, for in the end what do we all want in life? we want peace and love, we want serenity we want to have a worl where no hurt and pain no suffereing shall occur murder death disease are no longer a factor, by what the bible taught us we did have this world, we lost it, by what science taught us, we evolved as we went along, when we complain about goveremntt he world we created it by our actions, when we made weapons we made it for what protection from the enemy, when the "enemy" made weapons they said it was for protection, so in the end whos the enemy? we put more worry into weapons then we do the ones holding the weapons for in the end who wins the war? the one with the most guns bombs tanks planes, but when we've fought the war do we put any thought into the soldiers? is it before or after the coffin closes? in reality we are run by men and women who say they do the better for the country but is the country getting the good end of it or are we getting fucked byt he same men who are here to preserve the nation? in the end i would like to know which weapon ends world hunger? homlessness? poverty? which weapon helps cure diseases? which weapon helps kids get a good education? which weapon helps promote peace? which weapon will stop racisim? no weapon can it just promotes the negativity, i say you can fight your war which will extend the world into more barberic treatment, i will have no part of the killing of another man or women or child to promote nationalisim, in a war no country is right, no country has a "right side" everything is wrong, 9/11 occurs killing hundreds of people, we go into war killing more people, in the end no threat is subdue because they can kill the people but they cant kill the idea, everyone has there own right to believe what they want to believe, so what if they kill all the middle eastern terrorists, one kid today could listen and hear what they have to say and believe they are right, we kill in the name of good to ensure peace and harmony, were as fighting the war we ensure murder and destruction, because of mans arrogance we can not have peace, because of how man is we can not have a world united, for man is to proud to bow down to another, man does not accept defeat we just keep fighting, we view animals as the lesser being and yet in reality we are the lesser being, man kills for power, animal kills for food, we find hunting deer as a rereation, where as a cheetah hunting a gazelle as a means of food, man is greedy man is inhumane, we are the downfall of our own civilization, not a meteor, not a disease, when we finnaly go it will be at our own fault

My cat is not that smart.

Not really no.

Let me just give you a backround story on my cat named palada.

His day is a very basic one.

He eats
He Sleeps
He Shits

And repeats.

Every once in a blue moon does he do something different and this morning was one of them.

We have wild cats that come and eat the food we leave out for them every night.

Some nights they may come up to our back door, looking for food.

But for some reason this cat stayed by the door.

Why i dont know the food is shit i cant see why he wants more.


As the cat comes up to the door my cat looks at him through the glass.

As i sit in my chair sipping coffe, my cat does one of the stupidest things ever done by an animal.

And i can say this because i truly belive my cats retarted.

Instead of pawing at the door or hissing hell maybe even clawing to get the door open

My cat jumps into the door.

Thats right.

He leaps into the door in some effort to try and tackle the cat.

When in reality he got the shit kicked out of him by an inanimate object

I couldnt help but laugh at my cat.

And his existence.

He eventually picks himself up and goes up on his couch and cleans his ass.

Why couldnt i get a dog?


Joe

Dont prank call me


So im laying in bed, its like midnight n i cant sleep so im just stting in bed watching.

And all of a sudden my phone rings.

I know its a prank call cause for one the smart people on the other line type in that one thing to make ur # disappear when u call someone.

Just proves my callers werent that bright.

normally i would let it go to voice mail, but i felt like fucking with them so i picked it up.

right when i pick up the phone the girls on the other side were already laughing.

So, i lowered my voice doing a reinactment of my dad.

"Hello?"
"Hi....."
"who the fuck is this"
"um....this is melinda"
"Melinda i dont know what the fuck your doing but if you ever call my fucking house again at this hour i will find u and i will kill u do u understand me you stupid cunt whore?"

::Click::

i love bad prank callers, its always fun to mess with them.

She called back in the morning and apologized.

I told her it was me.

She told me to fuck off.

I didnt mind.

Joe

Remember growing up you would always watch those captain crunch commercials.

And these kids wuld be like "Crunchatize me cap'n!"

And then you'd see this big fucking ship crash threw their wall.

You couldn't understand his speech and he would make all these weird movements.

You'd see him swinging on this rope all over the place.

Which made me come to the inevitable conclusuion.

That the captain is an alcoholic.

This guys crashed threw more walls then the fucking kool aid guy.

Why else wouldnt he be a drunk look at what he wears for christ sake.

And this is what our childeren are watching!

A drunk "captain" with a fetish for frilly clothes and cereal.

Disturbing...

Very....

Disturbing....
Joe

So, yesterday night was taco night at my house, which is great I love taco night.

As i skipped down the stairs singing my taco night song.

Thats right skipping down the stairs and singing the taco night song.

i got a whiff of the heavenly aroma of the tacos, smelled good

Really Good.

Incase you haven't figured out, i love taco night, its better then a blowjob.

No thats not right let me rephrase it, its better then 2 girls at the sametime who devoted there lives to blowjobs.

Yea, that sounds right.

So i go i make my tacos, and i eat.

Now at this point i feel like that one japanese guy that wins those hot dog eating contests.

Suzuki? or w/e his name is, either way i felt like i could eat more.

And so i did.

i ate 4 Tacos and a burrito.

I Know, i was suprised i ate that much too.

But when i got done, i felt full, but not that good full, im talking about that deathly, if i see food im gonna kick it in the tights, full.

going back up the stairs i wasnt singing the taco night song.

Nor was i skipping.

when i sat down at my desk, i felt my stomach rumble, i figured nothing big just a lil grunt to let the burrito down right?

Wrong.

After a while that little rumble, felt like a baby mexican was kicking the shit out of my stomach.

I know, sounds painful doesnt it?

I drank a whole bottle of water, give the baby mexican a shower to help cool him off right?

Wrong again.

It Just pissed him off even more.

At this point i decided to take a shower, it wont help the baby mexican, but it will help me forget about it.

So as im letting the water hit me, i swallow some more water.

This set off the nuclear explosion in my stomach.

And the Baby Mexican decided we should meet on unexpected terms.

I gave my shower a new coat of paint, as i threw up Taco night all over the walls of my shower.

I get out of the shower, put some boxers and a shirt on and thought the worst was over oh how mistaken i was.

Very...Badly.....Mistaken.

I poured out the rest of taco night in the toliet.

My Door is closed and my sister comes knocking asking if im okay, through my hacking i yell

Im fine just dont come in!!

But my sister being a woman, opens the door anyway.

And the sight of me hacking and the already hacked up shower, made her hack.

Now shes hacking cause im hacking, and im hacking cause shes hacking.

And it was like some sick comedy act where it just goes on and on and on and on.

Until you just get so annoyed u wanna punch a baby.

after like 20 minutes she leaves, and i clean up the bathroom, and the putrid smell of bad paint thats hanging on the shower walls.

When i get done, i lay in bed, and close my eyes.

My sister comes into the room asking if theres anything she can do to help.

I felt the overwhelming urge to punch her in the tit.

The next morning she found a dried up piece of beef on the floor that i somehow missed......

She started Hacking.

I Felt Much Better.

Joe