I miss all of my imeem people and all the times we shared together. I've been out of commission for over a year, but I still will not forget the all the fun I had here with all of you. Oh, the nostalgia! I hope each and every single one of you is doing well!

Well, even though it may look like I haven't gone on in life.. I have.. It's as if nothing ever happened. Well, of course... my parents were divorced and my mom was alone.. So nobody really knows... I haven't told the whole world.. It has been a secret for me.. And this is the only place where I could vent.. but if you saw me in real life, you'd probably never figure it out... I mean, besides me being easily irritable and angered.. well, i've been. But it's not really about her death.. i mean, everyone's going to have to go someday.. it's really about how one lives their lives. my mom didn't really live a happy life.. and i wont say that i didn't add to her misery.. well, cause i did.. just a lot of regrets, that are pissing me off.

I was too lazy to revise my below blog.. and am still too lazy.. so i just posted this new one, to provide a more peaceful representation of my mother.. who i really hope more than anything rests in peace...

this also goes out to my best friend's mother, who was also like my third, if not second, mother.. coincidently, she passed away a week before my own mom.. but, sadly, they had moved to Jordan the past summer.. so i wasn't able to say goodbye... rest in peace, my ladies.

So.. my mother just had a stroke or heartattack..... and had a massive brain bleed and received major brain damage.... now, she's brain dead, and without the machines, that's it.. and now those pathetic doctors are waiting around to try to get her organs.. f*ck that. no way. people already have taken away from her too much. and at least she should be buried with what she by birth owns, the least.. I didn't live with her and I didn't know her much.. and the last visitation i had with her.. i regret so much. i hate myself so much for it.. what kind of f*ed up daughter am i.
well, all i can really hope for now is an afterlife... she's suffered too much in this life.. and that alone should get her into heaven, by the will of Allah. I know I never said this to her, and even if i got a second chance, probably won't, but.. "i love you"...

update: 2/5/08... 11am on this day.. she passed..

and i always thought i was tough.. i thought i would not cry if this ever did happen.. my aass... i cried like heell, when i found out, and cried several more times throughout the rest of the day..