ONE MAN AND HIS ATTEMPT TO EAT A GINORMOUS FULLY LOADED 5 LB BURGER WITH 54 TOPPINGS......IN UNDER 30 MINUTES


[you don't even want to know all the things that are in this...]

(post last updated: 08.30.06)

[Saturday 8.19.06]
This past Saturday, a few friends and I went to check out this new burger place called The Counter [link] in Palo Alto. Their whole pitch is that you get to build your own burger: pick your meat, size, cheese, toppings, sauce, and bun type, and you're good to go. And a bunch of their options aren't too shabby, either. For example, cheese options include gruyere, herb goat cheese pread, danish blue cheese, and tillamook cheddar. And toppings range from fried onion strings to hard boiled eggs to dried cranberries. Pretty much, there's something for everyone here (to see their online menu, click HERE).

Their website claims that there are over 312,120 different burger combinations. But as you'll soon see, as far as I'm now concerned, there's only one combination worth getting. Here's the story...


[driving to The Counter for some delicious burger action]

So the day starts out innocently enough. Tim, TJ, and I all order a custom burger (when you're seated you're given a sheet of paper with a bunch of checkboxes; all you do is mark what you want on your burger), and we devour them the moment they arrive. We start talking about how two weeks prior, Tim had gone to Chipotle and easily ate three burritos in thirty minutes. It's at that point, we have a brilliant idea:

Let's order a burger with EVERYTHING on it.

I mean, if you've got a sheet of paper with checkboxes all over it, someone's bound to wanna check every single box on it. And mean it.

So Tim decides to step up to the challenge: order a burger with every single possible option (all the cheeses, all the toppings, and all the sauces) AND try to finish it within 30 minutes. If he finishes it in 30 minutes, TJ and I will pay for it; if not, he has to cover it.

It's at that moment that our two waitresses (Natalie and Heather) arrive, asking us, "Would you guys care for any dessert?"

"Nope," I reply. "We've got someting else in mind...." I procced to hand her this...


[as you can see, every possible option has been selected]


[Tim poses with his burger sheet]

Obviously, Natalie and Heather think we're crazy. But after we assure them that we're not just going to leave right after the order is placed, they begin to buy into the idea. The order is placed. We're told that this has never been attempted before.

Now how many toppings does this burger have? FIFTY-FOUR. We're talking more than the number of states in the US. That's 10 types of cheese, 27 toppings, and 17 sauces. And oh yeah, a 1 lb beef patty with a honey wheat bun. For anyone who's ever gone through a drive-thru window at a fast-food joint and joked, "Let's order every single item on the menu!" this is pretty much the same thing. Below's the complete list of what went into the burger.....

Cheeses
Danish Blue Cheese
Greek Feta
Gruyere
Jalapeno Jack
Herb Goat Cheese Spread
Horseradish Cheedar
Imported Swiss
Sharp Provolone
Tillamook Cheddar
Yellow American

Toppings
Bermuda Red Onion
Black Olives
Carrot Strings
Dill Pickle Chips
Dried Cranberries
Grilled Onions
Grilled Pineapple
Hard Boiled Eggs
Jalapenos
Lettuce Blend
Mixed Baby Greens
Roasted Chiles
Roasted Corn & Black Bean Salsa
Roasted Red Peppers
Scallions
Spicy Pepperoncinis
Sprouts
Tomatoes
Avocado
Sauteed Mushrooms
Sun Dried Tomatoes
Fried Egg
Chili
Black Forest Ham
Honey Cured Bacon
Homemade Guacamole
Fried Onion Strings

Sauces
Apricot Sauce
Caramelized Onion Marmalade
Country Buttermilk Ranch
Dijon Balsamic Dressing
Ginger Soy Glaze
Honey Mustard
Horseradish Mayo
Mayonnaise
Peanut Sauce
Peppercorn Steak Sauce
Red Relish
Roasted Garlic Aioli
Russian Dressing
Southwest Caesar
Spicy Sour Cream
Sun Dried Tomato Vinaigrette
Sweet BBQ Sauce

While we're waiting for the burger to arrive, it seems as if Tim has already become a celebrity. Nearly the entire staff at The Counter comes on over to say hi (including about 10 waitresses who all are like, "Are you really going to do this? That's kinda gross! But it's kinda cool too!"). The manager pops on in, a guy who appears to be one of the owners says hey, and the executive chef even stops on by to see who's about to eat this behemoth of a burger he's cooking up in the back. Yup, everyone is f'ing excited.

After about 15 minutes, the glorious burger finally arrives. How much does this baby weigh? 5 friggin pounds. Obviously, it comes in a huge bowl and not on a plate. The sauces and the bun are provided on the side. Here's what it looks like...


[Tim gets ready for his challenge...]


[I wonder if they missed anything]

To prepare himself, Tim reorganizes the burger a little bit. He dumps a bunch of the sauces onto his burger, spreads a few on the bun, and saves one on the side (the idea was that if he were to actually finish the entire burger, he would down it as the finishing touch). He also cuts up some of the patty and puts it in another bowl (possibly in an attempt to make the burger look less intimidating).


[pour it on, pour it on...]


[this looks like something you would see on Nickelodeon's Double Dare]


[the party of the patty Tim decides to set aside for a little bit]


["I better score with some chicks if I finish this..."]

We get our stopwatch ready, and Tim begins. Below is the progression of events...(along with some of the more memorable quotes that I remember being spoken)

[0 minutes...looks like a friggin ice cream sundae]


[1 minute...Tim decides to start with the bun first]


[2 minutes...TJ is already sick...and he's just watching]


[5 minutes...damn, I wanted to eat that piece of bacon so bad]


[8 minutes...]
"It's a good thing this didn't come with fries."

[10 minutes...Tim decides to bring back in the patty portion he set aside earlier]




[12 minutes...]
"At least we were being considerate and got you the honey wheat bun."

[15 minutes...the meat's gone and it's starting to look like a gigantic salad gone wrong]


[16 minutes...Karl (who decided to stop on by when he heard that Tim was doing this challenge) receives his own burger. Look at the size difference!]


[18 minutes...I decide to take a picture with Tim]


[19 minutes...]
"Are you going to put ketchup on that?"

[20 minutes...uh oh, is he starting to slow down?]


[22 minutes...]
"At least the ingredients are made fresh daily"

[25 minutes...5 minute warning; is he going to do it?]


[26 minutes...]
We begin to discuss the prospects of Tim puking. Someone notes, "You could easily go from being the most legendary person here to being banned from ever stepping foot in here again"

[28 minutes...]
My favorite moment. A random waitress who has no idea what's going on walks over to our table and casually asks in typical restaurant style, "Is everything okay here?"

[30 minutes...time's up!]



So as you can see, the 30 minute mark hits and Tim has unfortunately not completed the task. TJ and I discuss and decide that the immense entertainment value we are getting out of this warrants a 15 minute time extension. So Tim continues...


[oh no, don't do it!]


[ahh, he was just kidding...well get back to work!]

At this point, Tim's obviously struggling to get even a bite in (remember, he had eaten a full meal right before starting the challenge). So at the 36 minute mark, he decides to officially call it quits. Nevertheless, we are all very impressed with how far he made it.


[36 minutes later and Tim is still a hero in my book]


[TJ appreciates the effort and shakes Tim's hand]


Obviously, someone comes up to us and asks, "Would any of you care for dessert?" Obviously, we decline.

The check then arrives. The ginormous burger ends up costing $45.50. I think it's the best $45.50 one could ever spend.


[notice how Tim's humongo burger costs more than the 4 other individual burgers combined]

We're also asked to fill out a comment card. The most hilarious part of that card is the part that says "Please list the items that you ordered." Ummmm, EVERYTHING?!


[um, can I get another sheet?]

Well, that's pretty much it. A big thanks to the whole crew at The Counter for dealing with our craziness. And of course, thanks to Natalie and Heather for actually processing the order.


[Heather and Natalie get a picture with the man of the hour...and of course I had to butt in as well]

I'm sure we'll be back soon to try the challenge again. Tim says that he can probably do it if he starts on an emtpy stomach. I actually don't doubt him. I'll keep you all updated.

But wait, you say, did the burger eventually end up getting finished?

I'm glad you asked. Here's your answer...


[yummy]

To check out all the photos from this momentous occasion, click HERE

[Update #1]
If you want to send a message to Tim (or to tell him he's crazy), shoot an e-mail to jiggity83@gmail.com

[Update #2: Mailbag/Comments]
A random sampling of the mail we've received and the comments we've found around the web...

"Hey man, I live nearby in San Jose and would love to have a duel with you. I think I could take you in 30 minutes. What do you say?" -Bear

"We saw the pics and read the story. The wife and I got halfway down and started to feel sick. A churning tummy kinda sick. Lord have mercy on your bowels." -Paul

"no way i was actually there when that happened. dude was crazy, hella chicks talked to him afterwards and had him sign their stomachs in mustard. i was jealous but dude got hella game and can eat crazy." -Jake (although i'm quite sure there wasn't any stomach-mustard-signing that took place)

"That's not a burger. That's a garbage sundae." -Trixie

"Read the account of your attempt to eat the 5lb burger with everything
on it. I was seriously turned on! If you ever want a boyfriend, I'm
your guy! (And NO, I'm not a big fat pig!) You are just the cutest thing ever." -Ken

"That guy is going to make some proctologist very, very happy." -beelzbubba

More coming soon...

[Update #3]
Check out some of the sites that have linked to this story. If you see anywhere else this story's been mentioned, let us know and we'll put a link up.

Slashfood: link
A Hamburger Today: link
Supersized Meals: link
Dvorak Uncensored: link
Linkfilter: link
Lido's Lounge: link
Yelp: link
The Feed: link
A Welsh View: link
Food Notebook: link
Good Morning Silicon Valley: link
Didn't You Hear: link
Digg: link
Buzz (a Swedish site): link (article titled "En burgare med extra allt.
Och lite till.")
San Jose Mercury News: link

[Update #4]
Talked to Tim last night. He said he might be up for trying the challenge again this weekend. I'll keep you posted.

[Update #5]
Here are some additional details that I left out in my initial write-up.
-So not only did Tim already have a burger before taking on this challenge, but he had about 3 full-sized pancakes for breakfast.
-He also had a class final that day at 3:00 (for a class on investment science). Needless to say, it was probably the most uncomfortable final anyone's ever had to take.

See ya later. And eat healthy.

[ THINGS I LEARNED AT THE MIDWEST MUSIC SUMMIT ]

YOU CAN'T DENY THE ALLURE OF A MUSICIAN

Friday night at a bar called Casba, I was listening to some dude named Adam Fallon. All throughout his set, he kept calling out to this one girl who was having a drink with a friend. After repeated requests, he got her to come up and give him a small kiss on the cheek. He then dedicated his next song to her and proceeded to improv the entire tune (although the majority of the lyrics centered around the theme of "You should come over again and make out with me"). The lady was apparently swept off her feet by this amazing accomplishment and came back up to make out with him. I, being the sick voyeur I am, decided to try to take a picture of it (I failed). After they were done making out, the lady then walked over to me and asked if I had gotten a picture of it. I told her no, and she replied, "Good, because I'm actually married."

By the end of Adam's next song, she was making out with him again.

And this is the closest picture I was able to get (face blurred to protect the guilty).



YOU CAN'T GET FOOD ANYWHERE AFTER MIDNIGHT

Back at the hotel Thursday night at about 1:00am, Malorie and I were having a slight case of the munchies. I was too lazy to do anything so Malorie did all the phone-calling to try to hunt us down a snack. She called room service, but apparently it was not one of those 24-hour services. She called the front desk to ask about a pizza delivery place, and apparently they thought it was ridiculous that any pizza place would deliver at one o'clock in the morning. Finding this incredulous, I called about 5 different pizza places on my cell phone (Papa John's, Dominos, you name it) and got an equal number of answering machines. Defeated, Malorie and I decided that we would settle for something from a vending machine. She called back the front desk and asked if there was one in the building. Fortunately, we were told, there was a vending machine. Unfortunately, we were also told, that it was in the swimming pool area, which at one o'clock in the morning was LOCKED. I think at that point I would've even eaten a Luna Bar.

So of course, the next morning I had to find myself the unhealthiest thing in the world to eat. I believe it was called the Hangover Special (with 2 fried eggs, potatoes, bacon, sausage, mushrooms, cheese, grease, and more grease). The title was a little fitting because although I didn't have a hangover when I ate it, I had a pounding headache for about three hours afterwards.



PEOPLE LOVE GETTING THEIR PHOTOS TAKEN

Maybe it was because I was carring a semi-legit-looking camera this time (instead of a mini digital camera I usually carry), but everywhere I walked, people were asking me to take pictures of them with my camera. They didn't even care if they never saw the picture being taken. For example, Saturday night I came across these three fellows, who go by the names of Young Tef, Momo 317, and Ghost Writer (and collectively go by the name of 3 Blind Mice, although that night they were going by 2 Blind Mice since Young Tef forgot his sunglasses):



There's also these two ladies, whose names I did not get. Although I believe one goes to Anderson University and the other works at STAR Financial Bank.



MUSICIANS ARE CRAZY

Okay, I didn't witness anything totally ridonkulous happen at MMS, but there were still some amusing band antics. During Margot and the Nuclear So and So's Thursday set, a bunch of people rushed the stage, including Santa Claus:



The Virgin Millionaires, as awesome as their performance was, all acted like a bunch of monkeys on acid the way they were running around on stage and jumping on and off the speakers. It's like they injected Red Bull into their veins and then became Sonic the Hedgehog. It did make for one energy-filled performance though.



Dr. Octagon (aka Kool Keith) decided it would be cool to invite a bunch of ladies from the audience up on stage to dance with him. See if you can recognize anyone you know.



Of course, there were those who enjoyed crowd-surfing:



And this doesn't really fit in this section, but some bands had the best merchandise.



EVERYONE SMOKES IN INDIANAPOLIS

I think I lost 10 pounds from all the second-hand smoke I was surrounded with this weekend.

MMS LOVES IMEEM

The logo was friggin' everywhere. I especially loved the imeem logo at Rouge (one of the MMS venues). It was strategically placed so that any photo taken from any angle of a band performing on that stage would also include the huge green imeem logo in it.



I'M A GHOST

Not really sure how this happened, but I took a picture with Ethan Saturday night and this is how it turned out:



THERE ARE NO ASIANS IN INDIANAPOLIS

Other than me and Gideon (the manager of Rouge), I don't think there was another asian in Indianapolis this past weekend. But as Todd pointed out to me earlier today, at least that means the city doesn't have to worry about car accidents.

IMEEM WILL FILM YA ANYWHERE

Gaba Gavi wanted to partake in imeem SoundSessions but unfortunately he couldn't make it to any of the designated times. No problem. We took him outside to some patio located between an internet cafe and a running trail, set up the equipment, and filmed a couple of his tunes. Luckily we had a directional mic (instead of an omnidirectional); otherwise the audio of his set would've included about 20 instances of motorcycles revving their engines as they drove by.



There was also this guy named Barry Fant who wasn't part of the MMS line-up but was someone who I randomly noticed playing some tunes in an alley somewhere. His music was actually pretty good, so I figured I'd shoot some photos of him. At the end of his song, he stuck out his hand, and I shook it while thanking him for letting me take pictures. In retrospect though, I'm pretty sure he was looking for a dollar bill.



EVERONE IN INDIANAPOLIS IS VERY FRIENDLY

The title says it all, but I'd especially like to give a shout out to Gideon for being so hospitable to the imeem crew while we were in town. Gideon, you rock and we hope to see you soon.



And if anyone's ever in Indianapolis, go visit his bar (Rouge) and buy a drink.



Well that's pretty much it for now. If I think of anything else, I'll be sure to add it to the list.