HERE IS SOMETHING I LIKE TO SHARE.... A FUNNY STORY ABOUT A BOY AND HIS AUNT...
Just after dinner one night, my nephew came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me.
"Oldest trick in the book, zach," I informed him. "You go in to see what's wrong with the sick one and the other one sneaks up behind you and bonks you on the head. Then they change into your clothes and escape." "I'm serious, Auntie. Can you help?
I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking distressed. I immediately knew what to do. Call the professional.
"James...," I called, "come look at the hamster!" "Oh my gosh," my brother diagnosed after a minute. "she's having babies." "What?" my nephew demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Dad!" I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought you guys said didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my brother. "Well, what did you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" he inquired. (I actually think he said this sarcastically!) "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded him, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice). I'm scared of my brother... but it's my house too... so I can make comments right?
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my nephew agreed. "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys," he informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you think?) By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience!" I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"OH, Gross!" they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just Great!" what are we going to do with a litter of tiny little hamster babies?" my brother wanted to know. (I really do think he was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)
"Well, when dad and mom dogs had puppies, I took them up to the grocery store in a cardboard box and gave them away," I recalled.
"So what are you going to do, go up with a pair of tweezers so people can pick out their hamster?" he asked. (Gotta love my brother for being so sarcastic!)
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"A breech birth," my brother and my sister in law whispered, horrified.
"Do something, auntie!" my nephew urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried again, with the same results.
"Should I dial 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma."
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my nephew holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged. "I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him.
The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, an epidermal?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting," (Mr and Mrs. blank.... can't publish last name here you know... ha ha... and talked to my brother and sister in law) he murmured, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my nephew to step outside while the doctor talk to my brother and sister in law... and me listening to the doctor explained.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my sister in law asked?
"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy."
"What!?"
"You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, male hamsters will, master, er, er, ah..." He blushed, glancing at my brother. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. blep blep blep.....
We were silent, absorbing this. "So Ernie's just ... just...Excited?" my sister in law said... i laugh... as I watch my family look stupid... that counts me... lol.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence.
And I giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
What's so funny?" my brother demanded.
Tears were now running down my face. "Just ... that ... I'm picturing me pulling on its ... its ... teeny little ... " I gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the hamsters and my nephew back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's will be ok I'm really thankful for what you've done, Auntie," he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea," my brother agreed, collapsing into laughter as he gave me a dirty look.
His enjoying this... and I just realized... how stupid ... I was... but it was funny... well I hope you got the laughs of your life... time... see you around... till the next blog.
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I'm trying to have my own bath.. but I have to share it with my brother.... oh well... what the heck!!!
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Some said... I look like a mouse... do I look like a mouse to you???? well just want to let Mr. Martin... know I'm a hamster dude and my name is pedro...
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I like to travel... and take my walks... what you think??? do I look like brad pitt??
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"Nooo... I haven't been eating... of course not..."
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"MY food. MY plate. MY desk. MY house. MY everything!"
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