Fire Dragon: Rage, passion, you burn with the essence of a powerful flame. You are powerful and majestic and dont let anyone stand in your way without a fight

Your element is Light. Your heart is pure and shining with love. You believe in the goodness of those around you and give almost everyone a smile. You are not the kind to hide your happiness and tend to smile all day long, both in and out. But when sadness hits you, you become very devastated and may be upset for quite some time. What you need in your life is friends, friends who will love you unconditionally, like you love them. But you have a naive nature and don't always notice when someone is trying to hurt you. Some would say you are oblivious to mean people, which makes you an easy target. However, your true friends will probably be there for you and save you. In school you are either the popular one or the little weird one. It all depends if "the higher people" find your caring side irritating or not. Nevertheless, you have a bubbly personality and are social. Big partys may not be your thing since you want bonding time with your friends, so slumber-partys fit you more. You like the happy things in life and like everyone else to be as happy as you are.

Explanation: Your gift is rather self explaining. But to clear things up, you have been given a power that makes you extremly strong. This is of course speaking in physical terms. When doing good deeds the power could be used as helping people in e.g. fights or those under a fallen building etc. For bad purposes the power could simply kill/beat anyone until the gifted gets his way. You are however as a person on the good side. You are the leader type and have a tendancy to look at the whole picture rather than details. That could make you come off as inconsiderate, but that's far from the truth. You can be impulsive and aggressive but you mean no harm with it. Sometimes it can even save you. If you were to be in a group with others who have super powers you would be focusing more on them and the situation rather than yourself. So to even it out, you can be egotistical at times, but it's because you ignore your needs every once in a while. You are responsible and brave but could still be seen as reckless. Negative Aspects: Since you focus on the team/family/group of friends you could start thinking that they don't care about you since they don't seem to look after you the way you do to them. Also you could intentionally endanger yourself (even in everyday life) when doing descicions without thinking it through that much. But a leader with more sense of responsibility does not however come off as reckless, but logical.

The Rock: Now listen here jabbironi, ill whip that candyass all up and down the Airline Arena
Stone Cold: Well listen here, ill open up a can o whupass on u sumbitch and not give 2 thoughts about it, now why dont you and your twitchy eyebrow just get your asses outta here before i get serious
The Rock: Well, ive seen the video on the internet
Stone Cold: What..
The Rock: With your cat..
Stone Cold: WHat uhh what cat i dont own a cat
The Rock: Yeah you do. I saw how you look at that cat, and i saw how it looked at you stone cold, so why dont you cut to the chase AND HAVE A DAMN BABY!?
The Rock: I can see it now, Stone Cat Steve Austin Junior.
*HEY* *Ortons music sound*
Randy: Now you maybe the 2 biggest icons in this business, but i am the legend..
Stone Cold: Legend..asswipe?
Randy: WHat was that?
The Rock: I think RKO stants for.. Really..Kinky...Oralmansex
Stone Cold: Now rock rock, what he does on his free time is none of our business..a wha AHH SHIT!!! *bob the symbiote jumps on stone cold*
Joey: OH MY GOD!!
King: HOLY HELL!!
JR: FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY SKITTLES!!
Spiderman: Uh ohh..
Red suit: ...I think...EVERYONE OUT OF THE ARENA SUMMERSLAM HAS ENDED EARLY LETS GET THE F**K OUTTA HERE!!
JR: *gets in ring* DELICIOUS DELICIOUS FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY SKITTLES!! *chases the rock with fork and knife*
Joey: OH MY GOD!!
Stone Cold Symbiote: RAHH!! *eats spectators*
*Cenas Music sounds*
Cena: Now i may not be able to see you through my hat.. *removes hat* *looks at monster* OHH SHIT I CANT FU THAT AHHH!!! *runs away*
*bob separates from stone cold*
Bob: MUHAHAHAHAHAHA WHO HAS THE POWER NOW MOTHER F*CKERS!
Snoop: Wheres my weed?
Will: ILL TRANQUELIZE YO ASS!!
The Rock: WHERE IN THE BLUE HELL ARE ALL YOU COMING FROM?
JR: FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY OH FRUITIER THAN A FRUIT BATS ASS SKITTLES!!
*bob fuses with JR AND Joey*
Symbiojrjoey monster: OH MY FRUITY FRUITY GOD SKITTLES!!
King: WHAT THE HELL!! WELL YOU HAD BETTER BOW DOWN TO THE KING MONSTER!! AHHHH *eaten by monster*
*Its time to play the game* *Triple H's music sounds*
King: OH MY GOD ITS THE RETURN OF THE GAME
Triple H: I AM THE TRUE KING OF KINGS..NOW BOW DOWN..OR.. LAY DOWN..I DONT KNOW BUT GET DOWN
Triple H: IVE JUST GOT TWO WORDS FOR YA MONSTER..AHARAHAAAAHHH!!! *monster absorbs triple h*
Symbio Monster: ITS TIME TO PLAY OH MY FRUITY GOD SKITTLES GAME!!
*destroys universe*
King: PAris?? You alive?
Paris Hilton: Yes king..
King: Kiera knightly???
Kiera Knightly: Yes daddy..
King: YES IM YOUR DADDY!!
*give it to me king oh yeah!!

King: They loove their doughnuts *gives one to them*

Vince: SO!! WHO WILL IT BE TONIGHT!!!
Symbiote Spiderman: ME!!!! *rips Vince in half*
Khali: hajhklajhkakhkbba
Symbiote Spiderman: Oh please *Kicks him in jaw and khalis head flys off*
Vince: NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME..
Symbiote spiderman: Did i say you could get up?? *kicks vince in balls*
*vince leaves arena*
*symbiote leaves Parker and goes after vince*
Spiderman: WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING BOB!!!
Bob (the symbiote): YOU NEGLECTED ME!!
Spiderman: WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN!!!
*bob leaves*
(Peter Arrives at his apartment)
Spiderman:ok red suit, come on out, i want to talk
Red suit: WHY DONT YOU TALK TO BOB!! SINCE YOU LIKE HIM MORE THAN ME!!!
Spiderman: Now you know thats not true..
Red suit: YES IT IS!!
Vince: Yeah Red suit is right!!
Spiderman: Did i say you could come into my apartment uninvited!! *Knocks vince out and throws him in bell tower*
Red suit: HEY!! ITS BOB!!
Bob: PARKER!! HOW DARE YOU!!!
Spiderman: I DIDNT DO ANYTHI..
*bob leaves*
Red suit: Hes probably going to the belltower..
Spiderman: Probably Attacking little boys again..LETS GO!!
*They arrive at belltower*
Red suit: BOB!! GET OUT HERE DAMMIT!!! YOUR KRAK HABITS ARENT GOOD FOR YOU!!!

Spiderman:i think hes over there

jr: bah god bah god bah god!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Red Suit: What are you doing behind that bell bob!!! Oh my god, HES GOT JR!!!
jr: fruity fruity fruity fruity skittles save me fruity skittles
Bob: SHuT UP JR *finds bag of skittles and turns them black*
JR: NOOO MY SKITTLLEESSS!!!!!
Red Suit: DUDE!!! THATS EVIL!!!
skittles: save me sour skittles
Sour Skittles: NO WAY!!! IM SORRY MAN BUT BLACK JUST ISNT MY COLOR *get into skittlemobile*
*song plays *skittles da na na na na na na na na na
Spiderman: Ok...BOB!!! Lookey what I have bob!!! Processed tar!!! And its all for you!!
Bob: TAR!!! OH BOY *tries to bond again with peter*
bob: FUCK THIS *takes tar and flys away
Red suit:...PARKER!!! WHAT THE F**K WERE YOU DDOING!!!

Spiderman: I THOUGHT WED LURE HIM INTO A JAR!!
Red Suit: WELL LOOK HOW THAT WORKED!! HE GOT AWAY!!! Probably back to beverly hills with that old guy and the playboy mansion..
Spiderman: No wonder that guy lives so rediculously long
JR: SAVE ME SAVE ME FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY SKITTLES *SHITS SKITTLES*
Red suit: EXACTLY!! WHEN WE WERE GETING PICKED OF WHERE TO BE SENT TO, I WAS GONNA BE SENT TO THE MANSION AND BE USED AS A BEDSHEET FOR A HOT SEX SCENE, BUT BOB STOLE IT

Spiderman: Dang.. that must suck..
Vince: Yeah i bet
Spiderman: Who said you could get up *Knocks vince down*
VINCE: YOUR FIRED YOU DONT WIN THE ECW TITLE
Spiderman: WHAT THE HELLS THE ECW TITLE
spiderman: wait there 2 spidermans
Bob: Hello parker
Red suit: OH SHIT
Spiderman: WHat
Red suit: ITS EDDIE BROCK WITH BOB
parker: where jr
Spiderman: SHIT!!!! I KNEW HE WOULDENT GET OVER THAT HOOKER INCIDENT
Venom: NOW YOU SHALL DIIIIIEEE PARKER!!!! YOU STOLE MY BITCH
Venom: *steals Red suit* NOW ILL KILL YOURS!!!
* on the empire state building * fruity fruity fruity fruity fruity skittles
Red suit: HELP MEEE AHHHH
JR: SKITTLES FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY O SO FRUITY SKITTLES!!!
Venom: *oozes JRS mouth shut* REMIND ME TO DESTROY HIM LATER
'Spiderman: sure!!
stone cold: put dat son bitch down *stunes bob
King: STONE COLD!!! STONE COLD!!
joey: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spiderman: STUNNER!! AND HE GOT ALL OF IT BY GOD
Joey: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jr: FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY SKITTLES
JR: *mouth comes unwired* *gets on top of empire state building* DELICIOUS FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY SKIIIIIITTTTLLLLEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KING: and by subway reminding you to eat fresh
Will: DID SOMEONE SAY FRESH PRINCE
King: WELL YOUR THE PRINCE, IM THE KING MWAHAHAHHAHA
jr: who the hell r you r u fruity skittles
Will: No, thats hunky dory over there
Spiderman: who..ME!!
JR: HES COLLERED LIKE SKITTLES!!!! *Tries to chase and eat spiderman* FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY SKITTLES!!!!!
singing bunny: la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
Stone cold: NOW DONT FORGET ABOUT ME *stunners joey*
sharmel: all hail KING BOOKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JR: *Chases and trys to eat Sharmell* FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY DELICIOUS DELICIOUS FRUITY FRUITY SKITTLES!!!!

jack: come aboard my ship
Bob: WHO ARE YOU

Spiderman: WRONG SHOW MAN
Jack: Shit sorry, can you point me to Nacho libre??
Bob: DUE NORTH NOW GET THE HELL OFF OUR SHOW
Spiderman: FOR ONCE I AGREE WITH BOB F**K OFF YOU DUMBASS
Bob: Parker does that mean youll...
Spiderman: NO I WONT REBOND WITH YOU
Bob: AWW!!
jack: thanks now would anyone like to come wif me to the pirates of the carribein
Spiderman: I THOUGHT IT WAS NACHO LIBRE
Jack: WELL I WAS GOING TO PILLIAGE THEM
Jack: BUT THEN I HEARD THE COMMOTION
JR: DO YOU HAVE FRUITY SKITTLES JACK
JACK: ummmm ye y not'
Jack: Well actually no but ill let you have kiera knightly
King: ILL TAKE HER!!
JR: KING HOW DARE YOU BETRAY THE FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY FRuITY O SO FRUITY SKITTLES!!!
jack: ummmmmmmmmm king whats his problem with skittles
King: Sorry JR, but its you or her!! AND SHE HAS A ******AND IS SMOKIN HOT SO FUCK OFF *Shoots JR IN HEAD*
*instead of blood skittles fly out JRs head*

jr: *turns into giant skittles
Bob: SKITTLES!!!!

Bob: Oh my god
*bob bonds with gigantic skittle JR*
jr: roooooooooooooooorreeeeee HAIL THE FRUITY SKITTLES'
Red Suit: HOLY HELL!!! NOW ITS A SYMBIOTESKITTLEMONSTER
SPIDERMAN: GREAT........
Spiderman: UHH BLACK AND SILVER SKITTLES!! NOT VERY APPPETIZING DAMMIT
Red Suit: HOW COULD YOU BE THINKING BOUT FOOD AT A TIME LIKE THIS!!
*Symbiote skittle monster attacks*

jr: NOW FEEL THE EFFECT OF MI FRUITY SKITTLES'

Joey: OH MY....MOMMY

king: puppies!!!!!!

*joey gets crushed by a giant black skittle*

King: KIERA KNIGHTLY AND HER PUPPIES

jr: fruity fruity fruity skittles

Jack: HEY WHOA I DIDNT SAY YOU COULD...*looks at skittle monster* NEVERMIND RUUUNN

Spiderman: HEY SKITTLEMONSTER!!! KISS MY WEBTASTICAL SPIDER ASS!!!!

Red suit: PARKER!! WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING!!!

jr: ok *eats spidermans ass

Red suit: I always imagined hed be eaten by a candy monster..i always thought it would be Resses though....AHHHHHH *gets chased by Skittlemonster*

Joey: OH MY GOD!!!!

Jack: OK THATS IT *DRIVES PIRATE SWORD INTO JOEY*

Joey: oh my..ughhh *falls over dead*
Ryan says:
jack: take that

Skittlemonster: DELICIOUS DELICIOUS FRUITY FRUITY O SO FRUITY SKITTLES

Jack: M&Ms ARE BETTER!!!

joey: OH MY GOD!!!! *goes up to heven
ownwaranime says:
*Jesus realizes he made a mistake and sends joey to hell*

Jesus: TAKE THAT FOR SAYING MY NAME SO MUCH BYATCH *Gives joey the middle finger*

paris hilton: im so hot oh yeah

god: he said mi name bitch *gets a cross
jesus: no no no!!!!!! im sorry

Kiera Knightly: PARIS YOU BITCH!!! ARE YOU TRYING TO TAKE JACK AGAIN *bitch slaps Paris*

King: YOU BOTH CAN HAVE ME!!!

Kiera & Paris: ..OK!!!! *they both jump on top of King and have sex on the tower floor*

Jack: CANT I HAVE ANY!!!???

Red Suit: NO YOU CANT

paris: wait no im better then king

king: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

paris: wheres red suit

Darth Vader: Excuse me can you give me directions i need to find the death star

red suit: YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Red Suit: WHAT THE F**K ARE THERE SO MANY PEOPLE ON THE WRONG SHOW

Vader: HEY!!! ILL HAVE YOU KNOW I STARRED IN MUSICALS!! THEY SAID MY VOICE WAS FLAWLESS!!!

cartman: i will kick u in the nuts

Skittlemonster: DELICIOUS DELICIOUS FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY OH SO DAMN FRUITY AND DELICIOUS SKITTLES!!!!

Vader: Whos that?

Red suit: An evil skittle monster

Vader: Oh, is he trying to kill us?

Red suit: Yeah...
Vader: Ok then....AHHHHHHHHHHHH

vader: fuck this shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vader: *Gets out lightsaber* *destroys skittle monster*
Red suit: SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT *In backround: OH YEAH KING GIVE ME MORE AHH UHHH YEAAAHH*
Red Suit: ANYWAYS!! WEVE BEEN TRYING TO GET RID OF THIS THING FOREVER AND YOU DID IT IN 2 SECONDS
Vader: Thats cuz you suck and i rule Mwahahhahahaha *kills everyone with force lightning*
Vader: Soo, anyone up for some skittles??
jr: fruity fruity fruity fruity fruity M&M'S????????????????????????????????
Vader: Oh god..your still alive
Jr: SKITTLES!!!!
Vader: WELL GREAT!!! I HAVE A WHOLE BAG
JR: YOU LOOK LIKE FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY SKITTLES!! *eats vader*
Jr: SKITTLES!!!!
king: ah man a new one *looks for paris
King: WHERES PARIS
King: *everyones dead* Hello...*hello echoes*
jr: shes over here king YAYAYAYAYAYAY SHE LOOKS LIKE SKITTLES *eats paris*
king: u idiot *shoots jr
King: YOU BASTARD YOU ATE PARIS
*Skittles fly out instead of blood*
King: *skittlemonster arises* OH...CRAP!! NOT AGAIN AHH *skittlemonster destroys universe*
Peter Griffin: Yeah.. that was a good dream..
Peter Griffin: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
THE END!!!

COMING SOON

Jr is BACK!! And hes found that skittles, are more seductive then your girlfriend.. ON A SUNDAY NIGHT (and believe me, shes pretty damn seductive!!)

Until then.. I bid you ado...i have to go do some brainless thing while on a unicycle like i do every saturday..

Totally awesome Chuck Norris Jokes!

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an f***ing Indian.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records, it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
There is no theory of evolution; just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a handgun and a bucket.
There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score a 1600.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said, "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.
Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.