okay okay maybe my love life isn't so hopeless after all.

But the word "date" was used so i guess i have a date. finally or what? my first real date. i think? for some reason i have a hard time comprehending that he likes me well okay maybe he does i don't know!...But i'm glad he's such a gentleman.

I'm really not use to people treating me nice like this. i'm not used to a guy treating me like some kind of princess. hahaha. i swear. it's weird.

well at least i think it's a good thing this time (maybe, sorta, kinda) except but i don't want to believe anything anybody says.

Oh and i try to be the little wallflower that nobody notices then somehow i get myself too not be the wallflower who wants to hide sometimes.

oh and i'm amazingly tired write now. I'm in the noisy cafeteria of school...my fault i was on the phone till 2 am...haha

okay i got to go meet for car pool...i popped my tires....-_- worst driver ever.

Later Loveys.

so giggly again and the air smells so sweet. I've finally got a breath of fresh air. who would of thought? I'm happy again.

oh and auntie's here. she brought cute gifts from Beijing, China. woo!

oh and i thought i'd get yelled at. that was easy. so all is good in the neighborhood.

i have work, mi cousin's casa then dance.

See You Later Loveys!

i messed up this quarter i admit. i'm at fault...so i'm going to drop a class. i REALLY can't comprehend........it's stressing me out.

and on other things. i'm beginning to be suspicious of people's intentions. i don't know.

also i realized if i just sit and mind my own business things do just come....

But i have dishes to do and spic and span my room for my auntie sleep in when she comes to visit.

Bye Loveys!

So i'm back because I can't sleep. Well anyways...*giggle giggle.

okay maybe i'm getting ahead of myself, but hey this part IS my favorite part. and you have no clue what i'm talking about so booyah.

okay i'll go to bed.

gnite! *MWAH!

He's looking at me and Shaking his head and saying "there she goes again! thanks to me." oh please oh please don't let me mess up.

Oh and I have like the best homeboys ever who'll like toss you if yall ever act like a jerk to me.

For some reason, I think God is giving me chances and random circumstance so he can answer my prayers, but i don't want to take them. I'm sorry God! i'm a little afraid. But maybe this is what he has in store for me to have patience.

So it was little bambino's 1st today. mr. cutie pie. happy 1st bday cupcake :]

so that's besides the point of my blog. SO like she thinks i'm crazy for not thinking he's cute.

"um he's just um normal to me?"

her:"OMG you're nuts he's pretty cute."

"haha really? he's just normal...."

her:"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"

She says i'm going to be an old maid...you know like the auntie who's always single (ah worst nightmare)

But sri's right i never approach people. they always have to approach me first. i don't know how people randomly get up the nerve and talk to a stranger. I can't. I don't even think i'm that approachable. i think i give the "keep to myself." vibe sometimes. But i really do want to make friends. I'm just not that good at it. haha.

which turns into super cheesy, but lovable music. yea my mom is listening to kenny rogers and lionel richie (now i'm so in the mood for rod stewart!!)...i lit candles before all the music and my house just seems to resemble some romantic movie scene. haha silly. i think it's cute, but kinda sad because i have no cutie to be romantic with. *laughs.

But i've been happy today. well if not happy just not emo about life. maybe because people have been strangely nice to me when they are usually hulabaloos about everything) and the kids today just were super cute today and putting ducks on my head and laughing like hyenas. Something so simple will cause an erupt of laughter. Laughter cures everything. I especially like seeing when these parents come in and when they see their kids, they put down their "grown up" exterior and act like a kid. Always a kid at heart.

oh and to add to my sunny side up days. Sam (cute puppy) can drive me nuts. We just took a nap on my couch (finally!!!) after long hours of running around. I mistaken her for a him. You know despite the crazy antics and little nibbles of that puppy, the best part is when they finally curl up in your arms and just chill and sleep. I was like thank you God, she sleeps. I picked her up and petted her messy fur (goes everywhere!) then it was all good. I'd babysit er puppysit :] her anytime. Well maybe not. haha. maybe when she's a little older and bigger so i won't accidently almost step on her.

But I watch Charice on youtube sing with Celine Dion and it made me Cry. C'mon "because you loved me" is a cryable song. I would have bawled, but i resisted because people were around. haha then I watch the car salesman?/opera singer belt it on America's Got Talent. that made me cry too.

so with joyous laughter and tears...

Cheers!

-Lani

felt so low in my school life. never and here i am blogging instead of doing the reading. there's a part me looking at myself, shaking her head and being dissapointed. it's only the 2nd week of school and i'm skipping. i didn't feel well (at least i went to one), but still i could have gone and sucked it up. i think mentally i'm tired which takes a toll on my body. it's so tired. But i keep telling myself "you don't have it bad so suck it up and just do it." i mean i get so angry at myself because i feel so selfish. there are people out there who can't afford college and here i am spoiled able to go and i'm not taking advantage of the education i could have. i just need a bright goal to look at. Even though my future feels like a bleak prospect. The picture i painted in my mind slipped into nothing. i'm not even sure who i am or who i want to be now.

i don't know what happened to me. i used to be such a good student. i don't know what point i just let myself go and stop caring about school. i used to be such a happy person...*hmph i don't recall a recent time i actually laughed. But i always pull through right? i always blog about my frustration and annoyances then it gets better. See i'm not totally hopeless.


“They say life is a game so I play hard
I’m writing for my life ‘cause I’m scared of a day job” - Common

so i'm thinking about going to a different community college.....that means trip to counselor. i really dread those offices then i have to face my future which is what i need. so one step at a time...