is death tat scaring? If there is nothing in tis world tat deserve or make u wan to stay alive, isn't it better to die than to stay alive?
why r we all trying so hard to stay alive when death is a much better choice? It really take a very courageous person to choose death than to live..... haiz .... too bad i'm nt tat courageous to choose death..... how i wish i ve the courage..... any way a person's death will nt affect the rotating of the earth or the life of another person..... nobody is indispensable in tis world..... so.....
a meaningless life tat i'm living .....
when is the end of it?????

why do i ve a friend who never consider the feelings of others ?????
but expect n demand me to be sensitive and considerate toward her feelings......
a person who do nt ve any sibling will never understand the contradiction of having one.....
why must she keep reminding me of those hurting things my bro did to me?????
she do nt ve a bro she will never know wat a bro will did to his own sis....
especially with a mother who is forever favouring boys....
and going thru e same sch as her bro.....
teach by teacher who has taught her bro.....
being compared by her parents n teacher with her bro, who is a top EM1 student, and herself only a below average student and is struggling bet EM2 and EM3....
every yr using her bro's old text bks, got tease n make fun by her class mate, then go home get bully by her bro who says " u don use my text bk lah"....
then tell her mom don wan use e text bk, got scolding n beating then put and force these bk into her bag.....
when taking e same lift down, got scolded and make fun of when her bro press e lift, who say "so cheap take e lift i press"......
every ting got snatch away by her bro.... all toy, bk, game......
a bro who even sexually abuse her sis.......
i try so hard to forget all these!!!!
why must she remind me of these??????
i hate her!!!!!!!!!

when and where is my happiness????
who is the person who can bring me happiness?
why? why? why?
Why am i so stupid?
why must i lyk some one who will never lyk me?
why did i give up the best relationship ?
why did i give up the person who treat me best and lyk some one who will never treat me well?????
haiz.....

how do u gauge a friend?
how shall i gauge a friend?
who is my true friend?
do i ve any true friend?
i give and i take..... indeed i donno which is more....
but how can we use tis as a gauge....
give more or take more?
i'll never put my heart into tis friendship le.....
its hurting.... every time.... always.....
forget it.....
friend is a tool for make use n abuse.....
no friend r true.....
no friend can be depended on in time of trouble.....
they will look for u only wen they need u......
nothing is true in tis world......
even e most pure relation : friendship is gettin stain n deteriorating.....
now friend r noting but tool.....
death is still a much better choice isn't it?

faking is tough.... there will always be e day where all false ting turns true.....
i was just fakin or nt confirm in e beginin.....
but e longer i am with him....
my affection for him just continue to grow lyk e number of day pass.....
now i am quite sure i ve love for him..... but i'm..... i can nt do tis..... its unprinciple....
when he is nt with me or nt ard me, i felt so depress and dispair.....
wherever he speak to me, i felt so over the moon....
he is caring, kind, friendly and concern.....
why why him???????
nothing will comes out of tis love.....
its impossible.....
tis relation is impossible......
e society will never accept my love for him......
even if e society accept.... he will never accept.....
we r ppl fr 2 different world......
why did i love some one who is out of my reach...... why????
i hate myself.... i try so hard to forget him... but e memories will him just kept flashin back in my mind....
why.....?????

can u just stop acting....
stop acting as if u r the samaritan....
it just make me feel lyk vomiting....
n more despise u....
a person who realli is a samaritan is one who do nt go round boasting abt who ve he/she help....
tat person just stay humble n low....
unlike u......
so act so sickening......
u don ve to remind everyone time n time again abt who u ve help....
tat only make me feel tat u r worse then who i tink is the worse....

i ve realise i can do n live very well even if alone.....
friends r for use n abuse seems more n more true to me......
fr now on i will grab wat is mine more firmly n nt let it slip out of my hand.....
i will nt allow ppl to snatch ting away fr me any more.....
i will nt give in and be make use of by ppl any more.....
vice versa....
i will nt snatch ting or make use of others.....
but whoever provoke me i will nt give in....
i will fight til the very end.....
non matter WHO IS IT.....
even if friend for many yrs.....
i'm hurt....
i'lll nt be hurt again....!!!!!!!

It really takes a person a lot of courage to be able to face the reality.
i believe i ve done so....
i face the reality but it does nt mean i will accept wat i'm given.....
i believe tat a person walks his/her own life.....
everyone deserve to be treated well n just....
no reason tat some one has some unhappy past ve privilege to any ting....
everyone has past be it happy or sad.....
it is just whether e person wan to say n share it....
unhappiness can nt be measure....
therefore it's unfair to say tat i ve a worse past than u so u must give in to me....
tat is nt e way....
i despise such a person.....

Y ppl just don lyk to admit wat they realli wan....
if u wan to be with other just say it.....
wat for purposely try to spite me....
its pt less.....
cause only make me happier....
as i realize e true n c thru all lies....
trust me....
haha....
wen choice is to be make......
i will always be e one whom u suspect....
hehe....
but i will be even happier....
i wouldn't let those ppl who wan to malign me to feel happy n laugh....
i will be even happier than tat person can imagine....
hahahahaahahahahahahaahahaaha

its realli a bit cramp to be in threes...
non matter is it just friends or love....
two maybe a bit bore but three sure can nt.....
cause jealousy n.....
will follows....
alone maybe lonely ....
but happier.....
choose it ????