1. Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing Cops. Or to the crooks.

2. Regis and Kelly would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

3. The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

4. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

5. Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

6. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

7. The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.

8. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

9. Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.

10. Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

11. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

12. It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

13. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

14. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

15. Garbage would take itself out.

16. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

17. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

18. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. (Wouldn't help -- you STILL wouldn't remember!)

19. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off. Mother's Day, too

20. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month...