It's easier to pretend that.. I'm dead and you're still breathing just fine without me.

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I miss him so much...
Posted in Diary on Jun 18, 2008 at 5:31 AM
Current mood: sad

So.. There's this guy.. And he meant absolutely everything to me.. I would've done everything to be with him.. His name is Arash.. But he went by Shadow.. or "Wings"... Anyway, he's gone now.. And I miss him so fucking much.. When he said goodbye, I forced myself to be strong. I didn't tell him how much I knew it would hurt me to lose him.. I told him I was okay with him wanting to move on without me.. Which was the biggest mistake of my life.. But the truth is, had I told him it would kill me inside for him to leave.. He still would have left.. I just know it.. I see him around places online, talking to other people, which is like, driving a knife deeper into my heart.. I want him back.. I cry every night just thinking about him.. The thought of his name or nicknames bring tears to my eyes.. I love him.. And I'll never ever forget about him.. He was so special and unique.. If you met him, it was hard NOT to fall in love with him.. I know I'm dating other people right now.. But the truth is, I'd leave them and everyone else behind, if he would just come back.. I've been in and out of being sick.. And it's being I'm really depressed about him being gone.. I remember every moment between us.. And I try to keep from crying, because I know he wouldn't want that... But it's so hard... I miss him with every piece of me heart... I promised him along time ago that I wouldn't hurt myself... But I already broke that promise.. And I feel bad about it, but it's the only thing I can do to ease my broken heart... I keep telling myself he'll come back to me one day... But I know that wont happen... I'll be 91 years old, and miss him more than anything in the world... He might not think that's true, but I know it.. He's irriplaceable and unforgetable... I need him more than anything... He goes to Imeem... So I'm hoping he'll see this and know I want him to come back.... I'll do anything he wants me to do.. Just come back to me and never leave... I've lost him once before.. And I thought that was the hardest time of my life.. But I was wrong.. He wanted me back too.. This time.. He doesn't want me in him life anymore.. He doesn't need me... Not anymore.... And when the anniversary date of when we met comes up.. I'll just die... I know it..

Please come back to me, Arash.... I love you so fucking much... And you mean more to me than I've ever shown you....

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